Every school day morning I go outside to wait with each of my kids for their respective school buses to pick them up.
They don’t NEED me to wait with them. They are quite old enough to wait outside on their own, but they seem to WANT me to wait with them.
So I do.
Even when it is below freezing outside. Or raining. Or I’m still in my pajamas.
One kid barely talks at all while we wait for the bus. The other kid wants to discuss all the things.
Both kids leave for school each morning hearing that they are loved and I’m rooting for them.
One of my kids will board the bus, sit in a seat facing our house, and wave to me as the school bus pulls away. This child waves to me without worrying about who’s looking or what the other kids might say.
I could swear that wave warms me from the inside out with its love.
It is the absolute greatest privilege of my life to be the person that child waves goodbye to each morning. To be the person my children want to wait with them before they leave the house.
I fully expected them to grow out of all of this by now.
After all, I see them growing up in a thousand other ways.
For instance, I don’t remember the very last time I picked either of my children up and held them.
If I had known it was going to be the very last time, I might not have wanted to let them down. Or I might have tried to tattoo that feeling of holding them with their legs wrapped around my middle and our hearts pressed close together onto my soul.
There will be a final time of me waiting with my kids for the school bus to arrive. There will be that final wave from the bus window.
Whether I realize at that moment that it’s the final time is to be determined. In some ways, it would be easier on my heart if I didn’t know.
Every day until then I let the feeling this wave gives me – it’s like when the warm sun kisses your back, but this time it’s kissing my soul – wash over me. I savor that moment. I follow them with my eyes until they are out of sight and I anticipate the moment they will return.
Of all the things I’ve experienced and accomplished in this beautiful, winding life, it all pales in comparison to being the parent of these wonderful, unique individuals.
My kids both have birthdays this week and I hope they have the happiest time celebrating and always know they are loved.
P.S. I used all old family photos in this blog post that are already in circulation just to keep my kids’ current faces a little more private as they become teens.
Thanks for being here today. I hope you relate to something I’ve shared today. If you’d like to read another blog post where I bare all my feelings, here you go!